Letting go...Harder than I thought...

This morning I was putting away baby clothes that Lucy has outgrown and I needed to go into the attic to get the next tub and an empty one. Last time I was up there I had seen two tubs on the back side of the attic but I would have had to climb over the A/C and wasn't willing to try it. Today I figured...what the heck? I got them down and put them onto my bed to see what was inside ( I knew it had to be clothes but I had forgotten to label the bins...silly me).

As I opened the first bin I was immediately taken back 5 1/2 years ago to when my sweet boy was a baby. Yeah, they were Max's clothes. I had given a lot of his clothes to our friend Amanda for her son and didn't realize I had missed any (I guess he had more clothes than I thought ) and although I was a little sad at giving them away it wasn't nearly as bad as what I experienced today.

The clothes in the bins were the newborn to 6 months items. His tiny baby clothes...with a few bigger pieces thrown in such as the outfit he wore on his first birthday! Can I tell you that tears immediately sprung to my eyes (as they are doing right now...quite uncontrollably) and I wept as I looked at these clothes and I could remember dressing him in these little "boy" outfits and in my mind I could picture how cute he was in them. I know what you're thinking, "Come on Staci...get a grip!" right?

I don't know why it hit me like it did but I couldn't help it. I was getting ready to take some of the girls' clothes to the consignment store and I should have just taken the two boxes of Max's clothes but I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'm not ready to let go of my "baby boy" yet, I don't know. It hasn't been this hard to say goodbye to the girls' clothes. Is it because Max is my only boy? Is it because he is my first born? Is it because I am just a little loony? (my sister Shea thought this when I called her to tell her about it :) Maybe it is because I feel like he is growing up too fast and that soon the memories of him as a baby will be harder to recall. I already find myself forgetting which one (Max or Abby) did "this funny thing" or "said that word a funny way".

The clothes are still in the bins...still sitting on my bed (Okay so I put them back in the attic so John and I could sleep). Something inside of me just can't let them go yet. It's not silly to hold onto them for a little while longer is it? For comfort? Max has his blankie, Abby and Lucy have their "Bobbies" (post on those guys coming soon), I can have the knowledge of two bins of my first born/only son's baby clothes up in the attic...right? Yes, I am an extremely sentimental person...as well as a very emotional one (I can see my parents and sisters nodding their heads...John too if he actually read the blog). There are many that would say "get over it Staci"...to them I would say, I will, in my own time...SO THERE!

From this...

To this...

Too quickly...